In last last 18 months, I’ve been to three funerals. The first was for Diane. She was diagnosed with brain cancer in late 2019 and died 11 months later. She was 47 and her boys were my son’s ages.
A few weeks before she passed, I had a chance to interview her. It was surreal. She knew she had a few weeks left, and I knew she had a few weeks left. I’m not going to lie: that’s a very large elephant in the room. She had stopped chemo and was just about to take a family trip to San Fransisco, where she and her husband lived before moving to Denver.
We talked about her life and her husband and her kids and her career. Her story. The financial crisis of 2008 hit the Bay Area hard and both her and her husband lost their jobs at a large tech firm where they met. He sold shoes and she sold lingerie for a while. We talked a lot about her kids and all her memories.
At the end of the interview, I asked her what I ask all my guests on my Podcast. “If you could go back in time and give your 20 year old self some advice; what would you say?”
“I would have told people I loved them more often.”
About four months ago, a family friend took her own life. Many of us never knew her struggles with depression. She was a shining light and wonderful person. She left behind two children 12 and 10. Her mark was left on the thousands of people that attended in person and watched online. Over the past 2 years, many of us have struggled. Drinking is up, so is depression and anxiety. There were over 100,000 drug overdose deaths in the United States last year alone. My offer to everyone always stands: In case of emergency, break glasS. If you need a friend, you can always call 303-253-0707. You are not alone.
Yesterday, I went to the funeral service of a golf buddy of mine, Dave Merritt. He died last week of a heart attack at 67. He didn’t feel well on February 1st and so he stayed home from work. His wife, Kris, was in Kansas to see their brand new grandbaby. On the 2nd, when he didn’t answer his phone and, she sent a neighbor to check on him. They found him beside the bed, almost fully dressed for work.
The service was held at the golf course, of course, it was his favorite thing to do and he had so many hole in ones, he had actually lost track. I’d never seen a person hit so many pins. Having left a huge mark on everyone whose life he touched, it was standing room only with people who were blessed to know him.
His niece talked about how he made every concert, sporting event, family dinner and random get together anyone in his extended family had.
His partner, who made sure to clarify that while they did sleep together a couple times, it was only because the rooms on the golf trips didn’t have enough beds so it wasn’t cheating, talked about their friendship over 35 years. He estimated they played 700 rounds together. That’s a lot of time to talk and to laugh.
Dave’s best friend blamed Dave for his own golf habit and rhetorically asked if there was anyone who had a larger “golf club grave yard” in their house. He was constantly tweaking and building and swapping and had at least 90 putters. It is always the putters fault and sometimes, they must be banished to the garage for punishment.
Dave built me a driver once after one round we played because he didn’t think I was “getting the most out of my ball flight.” I had that driver until last year when the shaft accidentally broke over my knee and I threw it in a tree. I wasn’t happy with my ball flight either…. Today, I wish I still had that driver.
Dave had been talking about retirement since we met 10 years ago. He always wanted to, he said, maybe next year. He never did.
He was a beautiful man, “a true gentleman” was the term most used. With a quiet presence and a huge heart, he will be missed on the tee sheet.
Three deaths. Three lives lost too early. Which, of course, made me reflect on the last two years of lives stalled, friendships broken, and divisiveness. It is a stark reminder that no matter your plans, your hopes or dreams of the things you have put off, when your time is up, you don’t get a second chance. You get a room full of people in whose memory you will spend the rest of their days.
So I texted a friend who I had lost touch with over the last two years and we had a wonderful dinner at the bar at Hillstone. No masks to be seen. Nothing but smiles everywhere. We don’t see eye to eye on a few of topics, but we both know that Diane would have switched spots with either one of us for just one more dinner and say “I love you” more often.
God Bless, and may they Rest In Peace while we are reminded to live every day for the beautiful birds and sun, and the adventure called life on the way to the box.
DRW
What’s your take on the Canadian truckers?
Thanks for sharing this timely reminder David. I appreciate the fact that you make yourself available to those looking to talk. Well done sir.