Of the things I remember most vividly from that day 17 years ago, it was the moment when the doctors and the nurses had left the room at the end of the hustle and bustle and explosion of energy required to bring a child into the world, and for the first time, Ben, Tara and I were alone. It was very quiet and the gravity of becoming parents was just beginning to set in. There were no parents (and by that I mean REAL parents, like ours!) in the room to give advice and no grown ups of any kind in sight. Just two kids, and an even smaller kid. Oh God, what have we done?
It’s one thing to see someone else’s baby. Ben’s cousin Ella was born 8 days before him and so it wasn’t like I was unfamiliar with what a baby looked like, but it was entirely different when they were yours. Ben cried, that tiny little baby cry, which would begin the pattern of the next 6 months, the cry getting louder as his lungs developed. He clearly needs something, I thought, I just had absolutely no idea what it was. It took me a while to realize that he was very much like other men I knew. They cried when they were hungry, tired, or had soiled themselves. That discovery made parenting much easier.
Looking at him, I expected this wave of euphoric love to wash over me and the angels to sing from the heavens. Nope. Ben had gigantic purple feet, the biggest balls I’d ever seen and as I remarked to my mother in law when she asked “Is he beautiful?” I said “No, he is quite ugly and looks a lot like Gollum.” (He got quite cute a few days later, if you ask me).
Years went by, faster and faster. As the kids turned 6 and 4, we emerged from the dark ages into the enlightenment. Walking. Talking. Exploring. Discovering. Quickly moving out of one phase and into the next, and the next, and the next. Soccer. Pre K. Hockey. Elementary. Middle School. Golf. High School. Driving. Girlfriend. Independent. Thinking about college and every day, becoming an adult. Watching him interact with the world is one of my greatest joys.
Reflecting, it’s amazing how fast that 17 years went. It’s also quite crazy to embrace that fact that like all of us have already done, he’s about to step forth to take his place in the world, armed only with what we parents have taught them about life, and knowing there is very little more we can do but love and support them.
I am hopeful for this generation of kids. They had 2 years stolen from them and as society emerges from the darkness and the truth is brought to light, I hope this generation grabs personal responsibility by the horns and goes on to leverage their resilience to become free thinkers, skeptics and historians and make the world a better place for everyone. But more than that, I hope that they have the opportunity to watch their own child grow up, believing that they can be whatever they choose to be in a world that is better than the one we have today, and discover for themselves that there is no kind of love like a parents love for their child.
Happy birthday, Ben. You might be better, but you still can’t beat me at golf. Love you.
Beautiful post Dave!! So many similarities in my life, family and fatherhood. Awesome!! Love, hope and faith - greatest is Love. Thanks for posting.
Well done Dad!