“Dad, this is so unfair!!” said Ben under his breath on his 15th hole of the day. “Those other kids didn’t have to play in conditions like this! This is bullsh*t.” It was true. They didn’t play in conditions like this. 4.5 hours into the round, it had rained the entire time. Ben teed off at 2 pm to accommodate his final exam in the morning, so it was a little more than “luck of the draw.” The other option was to withdraw. For the other 3 in the foursome, they actually had drawn the short end of tee time lotto, as the morning was calm, slightly warmer and importantly for a game where you swing a club at 100 mph to make a small ball go in the direction you want, it wasn’t rainy.
Instead, it was 46 F. Ben was wet. His playing partners were wet.His clubs, his shoes, his jacket, vest and sweatshirt were wet. In fact, half of the garments he was wearing had started on me but on hole 11, we established that my stuff was drier and warmer than his and I was walking not playing.
“I can’t even feel my hands. The guys on tour have 30 towels, top of the line rain gear, umbrellas and caddies! How am I supposed to play like this?”
I looked at him and very calmly, very politely said “Would you please shut the F@&k up and deal with it. Welcome to golf.” I’m sure it contributed to the triple, double, bogey, bogey finish but there was a lot going on.
My favorite thing about golf is there are no short cuts. No one is naturally good. No matter how good you are, you can play horribly and anyone at any time can hit that one shot that brings them back to the course the next day (usually it happens on 18 for some reason). In tournaments, your “I’m a 2 handicap” for ego can look like “I’m actually a 13.” 3’ putts don’t get conceded, and sometimes, you miss and have a 4’ coming back. There are no mulligans. There are no restarts. All the work you have put in to that point is on display, and the only thing keeping it together while you put a 1.68” ball in a 4.25” cup that’s 400 yards away with water and sand and rough, oh my, is the 8” between your ears.
After 6 hours, we were soaked, cold, and beat up. But he’d be back at the course for a 10:10 tee time, 19 strokes off the lead with zero chance of qualifying. “The course played hard today” I said to him, a cheeky smile on my face. He laughed and said “At least the Av’s are winning. Can I get a burger?”
As schools stop forcing kids to test, don’t give them grades, don’t require SATs, dangle the carrot of loan forgiveness while others chose not to go to school because they couldn’t justify the ROI, our society is taking away the thing that matters most. A scoreboard. A system to measure your progress. A reward for working harder than everyone AND combining it with a few lucky bounces along the way.
Golf is hard. Life is hard. There are no short cuts and pretending we can level the playing field when some people are smarter, better looking, stronger, care more, try harder AND their parents had only one kid vs eight is ridiculous. The field isn’t level. And sometimes it rains and it’s cold and you want to go home. But those who persevere through the unfairness and challenge of it all are the one’s who, at the end of the day, end up winning. And those that do, usually have their parents supporting them every step of the way.
The ability to measure one’s self against “the pack” should be a catalyst for motivation. My daughter competes in Taekwondo and as the association she belongs to grows and expands, the competition pool gets stronger. Being in the top 10 of 100 kids is different than being in the top 10 of 1000 kids! If she isn’t aware of where she stands, she won’t put forth the effort to be where she wants to be! Love scoreboards!!
No matter how much progress I have made in my life, I still find myself learning hard lessons. Sadly, sometimes for the 3rd or 4th time. I agree, scoreboards serve a tremendous purpose in recognizing achievement or helping us reset with some humility. I've learned more from my failures than my successes and when you take that away, you take away a huge component of learning and growth.