Life in reverse

Are we ever too old to restart?

As COVID has receded and the world has aggressively trended back from “the new normal” to the old normal, I have been reflecting on my life to date a lot. Sometimes, I feel like I’m stuck. At others, I feel like I’m living it in reverse, with all the grown up stuff at the beginning, and the fun exploration in the recent middle.

As a kid, I didn’t party, didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, trained for squash, had very few friends in high school and set about being the absolute best I could in my chosen career. Family, kids, friends, life was a check box, one that in truth got very little attention, as my career got it all. Despite the awakening in 2012 that came with my writing the book, my career still formed the central purpose in my life and in 2019, when I left the business for now what appears to be “for good”, it took a large personal toll. Add COVID and my writings during it (angry and frustrated), the loss of LinkedIn and interaction to censorship, and of many friends during that time who didn’t think I was being kind or appropriate in my writings about the pandemic, it led to a solid depression by the end of 2021.

As many know, I spoke about mental health a lot during those years and in part, it was a pep talk for me. Hilariously, a memorable turning point was a trip to Scottsdale I did with 3 friends. I called it the “4 Ds trip.” One of my close friend’s wife had been lost to brain cancer (death), a recently promoted pilot was demoted due to demand in air travel, another buddy was going through a divorce and I was definitely depressed. We spent the weekend laughing and bonding and it marked the start of the ascent out of depression for me. The first found new love, the second got his promotion back when the world returned, the third is exploring getting back together with his ex and I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.

I needed to start living again, to focus my dreams and passion beyond work and as part of that, I recently started a “Top 100 things I do before I die” list. It’s been instructive to say the least. It’s amazing when you write and think, you discover so much about your self. There is far more travel on the list than I expected. So too, though not as surprising is time and adventures with special people. I want to read more and just finished the most wonderful fiction book- The Midnight Library. Truly excellent.

I want to get back to below 200 lbs and win an age group national championship, though neither has to happen concurrently and I want to go to law school, so I submitted my application last week. So, if you sometimes struggle to decide what path comes next for you, might I suggest making a top 100 list.

Number 8. Get a tattoo.

My boys were the biggest beneficiary of my “retirement.” They became my full purpose, attention and cause for the better part of the last 4 years and truthfully, was the best thing that happened in my life as a result of the sale of OneEnergy. I got the chance to pour all my love and attention into them in the last few years I had with them before they moved out. There is a phrase “it’s better late than never.” I get it. So, to deliver on “number 8” it was obvious that for a person who wears his heart on his sleeve, I had two of them. Always will.