About 5 months ago, probably at the time I was most struggling for purpose, before I decided on law school, before a lot of things I’ve done actually, I set about creating a top 100 list of things to do before I die. I found it to be very helpful to focus the mind, create goals and go about living life. If you haven’t done one, it’s a wonderful exercise that I highly recommend.
There are some random things on the list: “ski again” (I didn’t do it this year) and “Take my mom on a trip” (I am, to Iceland in the first week of June) but the one that mattered most to me this year was “Win a National title.” When I played squash as a younger man, I missed out on my best chance in 2000 to win by losing 3-2 in the semi final and never got close again before retiring in 2002.
Post COVID, post career and searching for purpose, I really missed the sport and came back to squash last year. I finished 5th at US 45+ Nationals (disappointed!) and 2nd at the 45+ Canadian Nationals (lost to a long time friend whom I beat 27 years before in a very important match for the national junior team 3-2. While shaking my hand he said “I’ve been waiting for this win for a long time”). I may be in the old guy divisions but I’m competitive as hell and this weekend in Philly was my second shot at a National title.
I don’t know about you, but in my 47th year on earth, this has been the first time I really have struggled with my age. The grey hair. The joint pain. I’m nowhere near as strong as I used to be and recovery is … hard. My brain seems to be slowing down more than I’m used to and retaining less information. In short, I feel old. Or rather felt old. And I didn’t like it. Worse …. I knew the cause and couldn’t bring myself to address it.
Between you and I, I have been abusing alcohol for a long time and I think (I know) this year, it caught up with me. I used to say “write drunk, edit sober.” It was cute. Until the drunk got longer and the booze was leading to depression and a lack of motivation amongst a myriad of other issues that long term (or short), weren’t great. The poor sleeps. The poor recovery. The poor food choices. Everything. I love wine and beer. But it was getting to the point where I was having A LOT of wine and beer everyday. And I felt it everywhere. Every morning. I know many are in or have been in this place so I’m writing about it.
I stopped drinking 21 days ago. It’s not a long time but I lost 13 lbs immediately. My brain cleared up. My knees stopped hurting (as much). I made better food decisions and I’ve got up virtually every day at 530 am to do yoga. I sleep 6 hours and wake up totally refreshed and ready to go. It’s the best I’ve felt in years and while I know I will drink again, my plan is to go 6 months without it as a total reset.
I knew I needed to get my drinking under control. And Nationals and losing weight was my best reason to get through the first 10 days. Maybe you have a wedding, a reunion, a trip. It’s just a decision. After that, it’s surprisingly easy.
I won Nationals this weekend. It felt good and a reward for the discipline. I know I wouldn’t have won the semi final if I’d been drinking. Canadian nationals is in 4 weeks and my goal is to hold both titles. Not drinking is going to be a huge part of that.
Next on my list is “be sober 6 months” and weigh less than 200 lbs. Both are achievable. Both are worthwhile. And I think both will help find joy in all the things not on my top 100 list.
My very best to you. DRW
Love that!!! I definitely need to follow in your footsteps on the weights! Thanks for the comment.
Congratulations on the win! I know that is a huge accomplishment for you and now you get to check that one off the list of 100. Im 65 and started weight training 6 years ago. Changed my life! I recommend it highly. It’s a constant source of new goals.